Sunday, November 30, 2008
Yeah, I wrote 50,000 words in one month, which needless to say did distract me a smidge from my blogging duties. With that said, I did also watch a zombie flick I felt obligated to share. The flick in question is Zombie Strippers, yup, you read it right y'all, Zombie Strippers. If my comments about zombies and our favorite milk-based breadblesser ever fit better than this, I'd be darned. Now, right of the bat, this might seem a bit odd. Rotting flesh and taking of ones clothes for money doesn't seem like a viable combination, now does it?
First impressions of the concept aside, I decided to watch this movie solely for the heck out of it, I was motivated by the same insanity that grips me every time I see the cover of an Uwe Boll movie, or Ed Wood, for that matter. It turns out, though, that the movie is a lot of fun, even if it Is stupider than a homeschooled chimpanzee.
The story goes like so: George W Bush has been re-elected for the umpteenth time and has banned public nudity and gone to war with most of the middle east, Canada and France. To provide troops for these neverending conflincts, W Labs has invented a virus that turns dead soliders into mindless supertroops, or Zombies to be more precise. Now, the virus breaks out and contaminates an underground strip club, things get really nasty really quick.
The funny thing about this... thing, is that the infected strippers doesn't become grotesque flesh-eating abominations, but rather... grotesquely sexy flesh-eating abominations. Y'see, the virus is less degenerating when infecting women, and the muscle memory of the strippers allows them to preform more violently sexy due to a complete lack of fear, shame or self-preservation instinct. Or something like that, bottom line is: Women get creepy and sexy when zombiefied while men just turns into zombies, like we all know and love 'em.
I'm debating with myself to what degree this actually is meant to be a witty commentary on society and sexual morale or an infantile attempt to allure our attention with tits and gore. I'd like to think it is the former, but the ammount of time the movie seems to divulge in the noble art of "showing as much nudity as they can get away with," really makes me doubt. Also, there's some rather blatant "why was that neccesary" moments, one of which involves, shall one say... alternative ways to propel pool balls at high speed. After specifying that we're talking about superpowered female monsterthingies, I'll leave the rest up to you to find out.
Also, Robert Englund is in this movie, which is a definitive selling point for me, even though it does seem like he's not doing the type of role he should be doing. The Germaphobic Ian seems more like comic relief, not that any is needed amidst the waves of "so bad it's good" dialouge and general cheesy sillyness. I can't help but notice a trend here, the two last movies I've seen him do, he's been a smidge too silly for his own good. Where did the freaky guy who played Freddy, or Doc Halloran for that matter, go?
Zombie Strippers isn't a movie for everyone, that's true, but if you like cheese with your whine, you should load this thing up.
Friday, November 14, 2008
First, we have unborn, which appears to be sort of a Rosemary's Baby thing, except that the invading force is not a horrible sin manifested in flesh, fathered by the prince of absence of light, but rather horrible sin manifested in flesh by the ghost of the main characters unborn twin. I honestly doubt it'll be just as freaky and absurdly awesome as the previously mentioned flick, but it might be interesting, looks like it got some visuals revved up nicely.
Next up, we have a movie I have no freaking idea of what to think about. My name is Bruce. This movie is starring B-movie awesomeness provider par exellance Bruce Cambell, as himself. Somewhat in the spirit of the earlier Cambell movie, Bubba Ho-Tep, Bruce finds himself persudated by a gothy horror movie nerd to save his town from a malevolent Chineese diety. Now, this sounds awesome and all, but from the trailer, it might look like Mr. Cambell have taken open yet another can of "not taking himself too serious," mayhaps a can too much. Don't get me wrong, I like his ability to do so, but playing himself as a complete goofball might be too much of the good. Still, I'm looking forwards to the copious ammounts of uncanny vally-style special effects.
Moving on toward some good 'ole metahumor, we have Midnight Movie. This is, according to the synopsis about a group of people who finds themselves trapped in a deadly chase when the horror movie villain in the movie they're watching shatters the fourth wall completely and comes after the intrepid moviewatchers. So, horror in a cinema at nighttime? Sign me up. Granted, by the looks of it, the killer didn't seem that awesome, memorability-wise, but the concept is undeniably interesting.
Closing off, we have The Haunting In Connecticut, which is a movie which general plotline is so obvious it could only have been more so if they called it something like... say, Snakes on a Plane. Family moves into house "with some history," freaky shit starts to happen, a priest comes in, more freaky shit, problem survived, but probably not entirely solved. All along the way, we'll most likely also see most of the ghost house clichés, including the "suddenly extremely moldy/rotten food" and "people in the mirror, wtf, no one there?" These two are confirmed from the trailer, I'm willing to bet my copy of House of the Dead there'll be more of the same in the rest of it.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I must say I feel slightly bad about missing my planned halloween-update, since it, in my opinion, is the very axis that the horror movie year revolves around. Aye, halloween is the time when ghouls and goblins of the night doth arise, and even mother nature and father seasons seem to be at eachothers throats, catching us in the middle of this rather unfortunate lovers spat. Anyway, I digress. Point is, them zombie movies are on the run again.
What we have on the Slowzombies agenda today is nothing short of an unique piece. We're talking a Norwegian Zombie movie, Dead Snow. To be more precise, it's a Norwegian action/adventure horror snowboarding nazi zomibe movie. I'm guessing the nazi zombies aren't snowboarding, bu to be honest, either result would only be marginally more wtf-worthy than the other. I saw some clips from the movie today, the whole thing won't be out untill the 9th of january, and that's on the silver screens of the northbound Vikings up here.
The clips were mostly zombie fatality-related, amongst others, there was a zombie-slaying scene which did nothing short of blow me away. A hammer, a sickle and a chainsaw was involved, no further comments should be neccesary.
Buuuut that won't prevent me from providing a few more anyway. It's quite an unique experience, for once I'm actually excited about a Norwegian movie. Sure, jogging zombiess does kinda rub me the wrong way, as described in great detail earlier, but since they are zombies that are also nazis, I do suppose they are excused, somehow. Also, the gore seems good, surprisingly so considering how Norwegian films have little to no tradition with gore whatseover.
In closing, I'm optimistic about this, and I certainly hope Dead Snow become the first of many successful Norwegian zedhead gorefests.